What Really Is a Handfasting?

Handfasting is a wonderful ritual to add into your wedding ceremony. It’s popularity has grown exponentially in the past few years, especially for weddings with a Celtic theme. 

But the tradition is not quite what it seems. Our modern Hadfasting custom is just that - modern. It is based more on folklore and modern romanticism than history. Does that matter in the final analysis of what makes a meaningful wedding? Of course not. But just in case you’re curious, here is where the custom of the handfasting actually came from and how it fits into Celtic wedding traditions. 

From the Renaissance to the early modern eras in Scotland and northern England, the terms "handfast" and "handfasting" meant "to enter into an engagement of service" and "the joining of hands in engaging an employee" respectively. It literally meant a “handshake deal.” 

Since marriages were considered more or less like business agreements, “handfasting” became slang for betrothal; the ceremony of exchanging future consents to marriage and agreeing to a marriage contract. This was termed “plighting one’s troth” (pledging one’s commitment). Usually these were conducted a year prior to the wedding date. Betrothal was not a trial marriage. However it was a contract that could be legally terminated if both parties agreed.

The custom of betrothal has led many people to imagine handfasting as a sort of trial marriage that would last “a year and a day” before a true wedding. According to that lore this ceremony was often conducted at an annual market fair where young people would meet and “ahem” court. Premodern speed dating anyone?

Where did this idea stem from? It first appeared in Thomas Pennant’s Tour in Scotland (London, 1790) in which he recounted his travels of 1772. He wrote:

 'Among the various customs now obsolete the most curious was that of handfisting, in use about a century past. In the upper part of Eskdale ... there was an annual fair where multitudes of each sex repaired. The unmarried looked out for mates, made their engagements by joining hands, or by handfisting, went off in pairs, cohabited until the next annual return of the fair, appeared there again and then were at liberty to declare their approbation or dislike of each other. If each party continued constant, the handfisting was renewed for life....' 

There is no corroborative evidence for this story. Pennant attributed the custom to a lack of available clergy in the country. He seems to have been unaware that a clergyman as officiant was completely unnecessary for legal marriage in Scotland before the Reformation.  And of course even in his account he says the practice was obsolete when he heard about it. 

The next reference to "handfasting" as a trial marriage appears in The [Old] Statistical Account of Scotland (1791-99), v. 12, pp. 614-5. An entry discussing Eskdale in Dumfries, closely follows Pennant's description but adds speculation that Handfasting was a hold-over from Roman times. Again, there is no evidence for this at all and the entry was likely just poor history; taking the older story at face value and embellishing it for added interest.

More than any other writer, Sir Walter Scott popularized the myth of handfasting as trial marriage recounting it in his 1820 novel The Monastery; a supernatural historical romance set in the Borders of the mid-16th century:

'We Bordermen ... take our wives, like our horses, upon trial. When we are handfasted, as we term it, we are man and wife for a year and a day: that space gone by, each may choose another mate, or at their pleasure, may call the priest to marry them for life—and this we call handfasting.'

History (bad history that is) repeated itself in the 19th century. Historian W. F. Skene, in The Highlanders of Scotland (1837), took Scott’s story as fact but changed the setting from the borders to the Highlands.

And then again in 1937 John Cameron (Celtic Law) expanded on the idea claiming handfasting to be “one of the few Celtic customs surviving in Scots law.”

The snowball effect of popular folklore is truly fascinating. To this day, many people mistakenly believe that at some time in the misty past "handfasting" was a kind of trial marriage for a year and a day, or a sort of elopement that was enforced by ancient custom.

The ritual of Handfasting was really brought to life in the modern day by various Neopagans who integrated the idea into their contemporary religious practices. 

Some took the “trial marriage” concept and morphed Handfasting into a sort of informal marriage, or a spiritual marriage that was outside of legal marriage status as defined by current law. In this sense, Handfasting was very much a countercultural thing. Today “handfasting” can range from a temporary (and sexual) union that is renewed annually or at the couple’s discretion to a standard legal marriage. 

Various details and aesthetics were added into the mix. The most obvious being the use of a handfasting cord. Unaware of the historical origins of handfasting (the OG “handshake deal”) various groups rather took the term literally. They interpreted the custom as the use of a cord to bind the couple's hands or wrists; symbolically binding them together.

Not exactly. While there is no exact historic evidence for the use of a cord to bind hands in a Celtic marriage ceremony, knots and cords are common symbols of union around the world. 

The oldest example is the “Isis knot” the Tyet symbol of ancient Egypt; a symbol of feminine power, wellbeing and prosperity. Ancient Roman brides wore a special knotted girdle which the groom was expected to untie (unlocking her virginity). 

Hindu weddings include the groom ceremonially tying a necklace, the Mangalsutra, around the bride’s neck to represent the new couple’s union and vows of fidelity.

In medieval Europe the expression seems to have evolved as popular slang due the Roman Catholic nuptial liturgy. In many Chrsitian marriages (specifically Catholic, Orthodox, and Anglican) the officiating priest will drape his stole or a special cloth over the joined hands of the couple as part of the wedding blessing. And you guessed it, this is often referred to as the “hand clasp”. 

There are many ways to perform a Handfasting and it can be incorporated into a wedding at a variety of different points. The most popular time is as part of the exchange of vows. Here is a sample of how the ceremony might be performed, including the words of a contemporary set of marriage vows.

Sample Handfasting Ceremony

Officiant: My friends, is it your wish today that your hands be fasted in the ways of old?

Couple: It is.

Officiant: Throughout the history of our ancestors, and in many parts of the world, this act has symbolized the commitment of two people, one to the other. While the cords themselves are impermanent, much the way life on earth is, the bond they represent, the true bond of love, is undying.
Please join your right hands.

As couple hold hands, the cord is wrapped around their wrists in a figure eight.

Officiant: This cord symbolizes your two lives. Once separate, they are now bound together as one. Where you have lived separately in thought, word and action, now you move into the future together. May you find joy, satisfaction and growth in all things. May your life together be a blessing for you, and for all those lives you will touch. I ask that you now speak your commitment to each other.

Couple, in turn:

You cannot possess me for I belong to myself. But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give. 

You cannot command me, for I am a free person. But I shall serve you in those ways you require, And the honeycomb will taste sweeter coming from my hand. 

I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry aloud in the night, And the eyes into which I smile in the morning. 

I pledge to you the first bite of my meat and the first drink from my cup. 

I pledge to you my living and my dying, each equally in your care. 

I shall be a shield for your back and you for mine. 

I shall not slander you, nor you me. 

I shall honor you above all others, and when we quarrel we shall do so in private and tell no strangers our grievances. 

This is my wedding vow to you.

Officiant: May *couple’s choice of higher power; God/Gods, Ancestors, etc.* watch over you and protect you. May you be forever joined in your love for one another and may the passion you have for one another burn in your hearts eternally!

Officiant: Groom you may Kiss the Bride.

Officiant Unties the knot.  (often there is a pause to present the couple to the audience and for photos)

A handfasting cord can be just about anything. You will find several vendors online selling decorative handfasting cords made of ribbons, fabric strips and other materials often embellished with decorations such as jewels, lace or ‘good luck charms’.

However it is easy enough to use a simple satin rope or make your own by braiding together materials. Our favorite way is to make the handfasting cord by stitching or braiding together strips of the bride’s and groom’s family tartans.